Final Post

This blog is my dedication to modern literature ;)

@The first time reader
Please read from day one

@the admirer
thank you

@the person thinking i can write better than this
go ahead, whose stopping you?

@I want something real
I write about real people at http://humanintrospection.wordpress.com/

@dude where's the tech stuff
Its on my other blogs man
@the person who thinks i am wasting my time
you better check my scores in verbals these days, literature improvises skills man

@the is this real thinker??
Not really, i met a real twinkling eyes a few days back, if things work out well it'll be a blog otherwise it will be my life

@the bitches
i'll write a blog on you after i leave college

@the real special person
i was imagining you even before i knew you when i wrote this up(ahem except in the end). This blog is dedicated to you and only you

@those thinking who i am?

The greatest inspiration one can get in life is to know that there is someone somewhere in this desolate world, who counts on you, whose lips are quivering to smile with your joys, whose eyes are ready to glow and face ready to light up with your success. It is when you know that what you do will stabilise her trembling legs and give her the the wings to fly, you'll put every ounce of effort in what you do because you know deep within that the person you are living for is worth dying for.
And i'm one such inspired individual.
I'm everything but a whimp;
I'm nothing but perfect;
I'm nowhere but the top;
and I'm nobody but KIRAN

Day 7

The fateful day began with my spirits on cloud nine. I was all the more insane with quirky smiles for no particular reason. My heart was certainly racing and mind, well god alone knows where it was flying towards. It was deep imprinted into me that I had to express my feelings to her that day, for it was a now or never situation, I was after all returning back to my old sober filled life at Bangalore city that night & I had this deep down fear within as to when I would see her again. We met her along with her folks and headed out to Bekal fort. It’s an architectural marvel of Kasargod, a place with its silhouette of romanticism. The setting was nothing less than perfect with the gutsy cool wind from the oceans flowing across. She was watching the ocean from one of the corners of the fort. I looked around and found the area quite secluded. The breeze was strong and her hairs were waving across her glowing face. Mustering courage I walked up to her. Placing my hands behind her back I told “Can I tell you something…”

My heart suddenly skipped a beat. I was shocked as she fell rapidly and lay on my arms. There were drops of blood trickling from her nose. I reached for my phone to call an ambulance but she stopped me. “I want you to listen to me” She said. I had no choice but to listen, it was her last wish after all. “The last seven days were the best days of my life. You bestowed to my mourning spirit happiness in the final days of my life. I’m sorry I never told you that I have cancer. I ….” Her breathing stopped. I wanted to cry out loud but couldn’t find my voice. Every dream I had of a wonderful life lay shattered and dead right on my arms. I hadn’t even told the three golden words to her. I couldn’t control my tears as I looked on to the serene white face that had lost its glow, its twinkle and fragrance that was reminding nothing more than pain….

Day 6

I really am unaware of the fact as to why god has cursed me with this stupid biological rhythm that is different than rest of the people(I'm referring to my early sleeping habits here..) Another bright sunny morning and I am once again staring at my mobile phones missed call list. She had called around 1 in the night and me the nut head had missed it again. Arr gh!! I frantically tried her number but no avail. She just did not pick up the call. I consoled my weeping heart thinking she must be asleep considering she was awake last night and looked up at my schedule. OMG!! I had a blog to update overdue. The netbeans blog though taking proper shape had fierce competition to say the least. So I got at it again exploring the IDE, taking snapsots and penning in lines again. My friends may tell you that i am one who lives, eats and breathes technology(geek for short) but my life isn't just about bits and terabytes, but is also about smiles, caresses and emotions too. As I was keying along on my blog I got carried away to the dreamworld several times.

"तेरी यादों मै........." was my phone ringing। I pinched myself to know whether I was dreaming। Ouch! I wasn't। I looked at the phone. It was her call. I jumped to pick it up. She told she wanted to tour around Bekal fort the next day and was coming over. I was more than happy that the last day of my stay would be more than memorable and agreed. The day went on pretty uneventful with occasional daydreams of fluffy touches and quirky smiles. i just couldn't wait for the next day.

day 5 - extended

Cursing the very fuzzy myriad nature of my very own sleepy head, i moved around the house still staring at my phone. Taking a deep breath, and recovering from my restlessness I dialed her number. The caller tune was soothing but the sound waves my ear was waiting for was something different, something smoother, something lovely, something really exuberant, the voice that cooled down my very soul as i heard the hello at the other end. The voice continued without expecting even a word from the already dumbfounded me telling me " I had forgotten to call you and the transience wouldn't let me sleep, so called late. Actually called to ask if you would join us all on a trip today around Mangalore? You there.... You listening????"

That jerked my mind off the mesmerized wonder world it was in reminding I had to answer and somehow muttered a yes, meet you at 10 as i disconnected the call. "where are you going" came my Dad's commanding voice from behind. "Mangalore dad, gotta meet few of my friends" i told. Though slightly hesitant he let me go. In full spirits I got ready and headed out.

The day went on quite nice slurping the delightful ideals ice cream, snuggling on watching a nice movie at Adlabs. I was finally feeling contentment in life to say the least, but i felt every moment that the clock was ticking rather too fast that day. Maybe I didn't want the day to end but then there we were watching the sunset at the beach. As i was looking on at the majestic beauty simmering the sight of the sea my phone was troubling me with calls to get back home. But I just couldn't take my eyes of that glowing face, those gleaming dark hairs waving in the wind, she was looking all the more attractive. As I bid adiue pacing backwards still looking on at the mesmerising beauty that would have passed on for any mermaid princess of the sea......

Apologies

I should say I am pretty ashamed of the fact that I've stayed away from this blog for a few months now. I know I don't even deserve to be forgiven for this lapse on my part but the fact is true life is not so rosy as it seems. I kinda lost track, walking through greener meadows chasing more exqusite beauties, with an already broken heart that wanted to bleed further.But there is still a glimpse of hope for me, a tiny ray maybe and this literature is solace for time being as they say

"दर्द में भी ऐ लब मुस्कुरा जाते है
बीते लम्हे हमें जब भी याद आते है
चन्द लम्हों के वास्ते ही सही
मुस्कुरा के मिली मुझसे ज़िन्दगी "

DAY 5

5 am... i got up startled from a really really bad nightmare. The sweat had literally drenched me. I reached out for the water bottle but even that fell off, a bad start for a bad day i presumed. My mobile status said one message and one missed call. ONE MISSED CALL!!!!

No prizes for guessing who called. But the message was certainly by someone else and did lleave me quite an insipid taste at loathsome human virtues of communication that i'll defer from writing here. Well as most of my friends do know i sleep pretty early and deep and guess my slumbery head never realised she would ever call....


<----TO BE CONTINUED ----->

Day 4

I woke up fresh next day, looked towards the next room to see two twinkling eyes greet me. I was making my way to the bathroom, when I heard my uncles discussing about the looming hartal in the state. In Kerala, hartals with a community clause are brutal and those after a string of communal murders in the district, the place were tense. What ensued was that the function lost its luster, for only we close relatives and others who had landed up the previous day were the only ones there. Not to be deterred by the low crowd the religious rituals went on in their own platonic fashion. Morning breakfast was pretty good, and I was expecting a good lunch. Man, Kerala food is awesome. Functions? They are usually boring, unless you have someone special to watch out for and try out for a cozy little chat.It was late in the afternoon, around 4, when I asked my dad “When are we returning home?” . You should have seen the angry grin on his face complaining as who will take the risk of driving in this violent situation. I led my hands forward for the keys. His grin only got wider. What was I even thinking? Well, doesn’t matter as he thrust the keys in my hand. My move got another group of people also moving. Guess two vehicles on the road together was safer!

I was going to miss the fragrance though, as she was going to be in the other car. She had to leave the state, which meant the two groups would drive together half of the entire journey. She just waved her hand as I turned the keys on my car. We had moved only a few 100 meters and I could see burnt tires on the road. My dad’s frown was deepening. After a calm drive of about 5 kms, is suddenly stopped the car. My dad looked at me questioningly, then gazing at the bricks on the road, he understood the problem. I got down, looked around. Not a soul in sight. Picking up courage I began moving the bricks of the road. Uncle stepped out from the car behind, but I had moved enough bricks by then. Our journey resumed, only to be stopped by groups of bricks at least 5 times in the next two kms. On one of the stops I noticed her worried look sitting in the car behind. I gave her a reassuring smile that we would finish our journey safely. The next 20 kms were anyway safe as we were on the highway and the highway patrol police kept it pretty safe. It was after this part of the journey when we deviated into a side route did a cold shiver pass through my body. Lying across the entire width of the road was an electric post. Damn, my weak body wouldn’t enable me to move it even an inch. Nah! Not all the men in both the cars could move it together. I turned the keys on the car, my dad game me a confused look as he couldn’t figure out my plan. I took the car off the road onto the field on the left and drove through the field and came across back onto the road after covering over a span on the electric posts. The only problem was that the rest of the road was literally dug out and it was pretty rough on the cars tires. Thus cutting off roads, moving bricks the ordeal continued until we reached home. I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as I got in home but then a worry crept in me as to the fate of others in the car that moved further forward. Watching the news made a chill run through my spine and I constantly looked at my phone waiting for an assurance of the safe conclusion of her journey, with a wait for a call that never came as the dreadful day came to an enigmatic close.

DAY 3:

“…..The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love;
O the red rose is a falcon,
And the white rose is a dove……” is all I remember of murmuring early morning when I heard my mom’s platonic voice asking me to get up. ‘2 mins, I’m having a nice dream’ I replied. Get up if you want breakfast is what she snarled. I instantly got up, man I would anything for food!!! What I forgot to mention to you all was the tense situation brewing up in my hometown due to a community clash. There were rivers of blood oozing out in practical brutality, but that day it was uneasily quiet outside. As my dad handed me the car’s keys, I noticed that my dad wasn’t particularly happy about travelling to our ancestral home, but the function next day was something we couldn’t miss. The main purpose of my visit down home wasn’t any soul searching, it was this function only. It was a pretty interesting long drive, in the uneasy calmness of the road lurked the darkness of an unpredictable future. Whatever that feeling was I managed to safely park my car after the long drive at our ancestral home. I could see close relatives around and youngest of my cousins ran to greet me.

As I carried him in my arms and walked towards the pandal I heard a sweet voice singing one of the popular local rhymes. My heart raced and so did my legs to know the source of the sound. A smile lit up on my face when the sweet lavender fragrance lured me again. As she finished her song my cousin sister ( well I’m lucky I’ve many cousins with so good friends ;) )introduced me to the supposed to be stranger friends of her. “You sing beautifully. I thought……” I couldn’t complete the sentence as my dad’s presence held me uneasily. I walked out to play with all my cousins who had gathered there. My face was glowing with happiness as I was especially glad I was there. We all were engrossed in a game of football outside the pandal when suddenly sanjana came and joined us in the game. Man! Gal+football, things were getting weirdly interesting. We all sweated it out in the really hot tropical weather. We were thoroughly engrossed and wouldn’t have stopped unless our parents really ordered us to march off. The day ended pretty fast, and as night set in, I found I couldn’t catch any sleep. I was tossing around until I noticed her wide awake in the adjacent room. I called her out, and we both found ourselves taking a quiet walk on a calm night. It wasn’t exactly full moon, but it was pretty bright. But we both enjoyed the brisk walk holding each others hand in fields nearby. We shared few light moments and walked back so that we wouldn’t have someone searching for us. The night set in pretty deep, and so did sleep.

Day 2

As I woke up in the morning, with the still on its bumpy route, turning behind I found both the seats empty. Was it all a dream? Nah! On m wrist was still that black band that had slipped from her hands to mine last night. I rejoiced the fact that it was real and sobered the fact that she had already got down. I picked up my cell to call my dad to pick me up at the bus stop. My heart was jumping with joy as I was closer to my home and the fresh smell of earth from the last night’s rain soothed my soul. My dad was there on time to pick me up and take me home where the woman I worship most in my life, my mom, was ready to pamper me one thing that is most important to me in life, food!!!

Not to be disrupted by wayward dreams and myriad wishes, started my laptop gave sigh looking at the desktop and opened up Netbeans. Started working heavily on Java ( had a blog to update you see), taking occasional breaks and deep breaths still in the memorandum of the lavender fragrance. My dad came up to remind me to take rest as there was going to be plenty of action at our ancestral home in the function I had to attend. Only too happy to take rest, I mulled myself over to a dreamy world with me and ahem me only( Ok fine I admit, there were occasional glimpses of beautiful dimples and …)

DAY 1

It was a really pleasant evening for my group of friends who where feasting their eyes around smoothening coolness of floating beauties. But for some strange reason I was feeling really sober. As my eyes searched around and around in the crowd, nothing really interested me. Missing someone? Perhaps…… As my soul felt totally empty, I turned my back to that happy group of friends and started walking away from that frenzy place in search of some peace and solitude. Just a check on my watch made me sigh. Just 3 hours to leave Bangalore. I hurried to my room to do my last minute packing. After rummaging through my stuff I just cast a glimpse at the beauty that adorned my desktop before shutting down my system and packing it along. Got to the bus at majestic and from my seat looked out at the busy crowd at the bus stand. The moonlight was maddening and I felt all alone in this crowded world.

As I leaned on my seat still more sober, I heard a faint conversation brimming in the seat behind me. The voices where exceptionally sweet, but I resisted my urge to turn back. A younger voice was asking questions like “Who was awarded Nobel prize for both chemistry and medicine”. My ears twitched waiting for the sweeter of the voices to reply. But, it was uneasily silent for a moment. Turning around I said Madam Curie in an audible tone. If only I had turned my attention towards the right seat behind I would have been greeted by cute little young girl’s sweet smile. But my gaze was held on the gorgeous, glowing face with twinkling eyes and beautiful dimples on the seat behind me. It would have been a really sticky situation but the young girl on the right resounded with a “correct”. I struck a conversation with the younger one asking her name, school etc. The 8 year old liked talking to me and came forward to the empty seat next to me to continue her quiz game with me. The older one also squeezed along leaving me answering the little one with my eyes still fixed on the twinkling eyes of that heavenly beauty. The quizzing continued a little while but as the bus moved forward the younger one began feeling sleepy. The older “sinchana” put back the younger “sanjana” to her seat. I don’t know whether it was the “U Me Aur Hum” aftereffect but I held sinchana’s hand and said “You know something….. You look beautiful.” She just pulled her hands back, blushed and closed her eyes and I was left mesmerized into a dreamy world with the sweet lavender fragrance and the fluffy touch of her hand.

ABOUT

For all those who were curious to know about my recent soul searching expedition here's a day by day pen up of an exciting little piece of my life.